Why “self realization” is not an “altered state”

As the movement toward clarity, awareness and consciousness gains a wave of momentum (again) I have noticed an old well worn path presenting itself anew.  

The equation with awareness to being ‘altered.’  

Now, I know it can feel like that sometimes. As we clear pathways and connect to something both bigger than us and at the same time, more intimate within us, we start to feel a kind of “high”.  The tendency is then to use that feeling of “highness” as a litmus test to seek out specific practices, events or modalities.   But I might suggest that this has the potential to lead us astray.  

The truth is our normal, everyday state of being IS a form of “high”.  It is resting in the the eternal bliss. We are divine beings having a human experience.  And within this truth lies another truth, when we honestly experience this natural expanded state (enlightenment?) we understand just how normal and accessible it is and the processes which externally seek to create a “high” suddenly feel forced, unnecessary and potentially misleading.  

We do not require any kind of hallucinogen or psychedelic experience in order to connect us to our consciousness.  In fact, it gets complicated when using pathways created somewhat artificially as we can mistake the end result for the personal journey. And make no mistake, the journey to aligned living is filled with both valleys and peaks, is challenging, requires commitment and time as well as guidance and community.  In other words:  there is no fast track without consequences.   

To be clear, in a ceremonial setting we may naturally enter an altered state with the guidance of someone who understands how to both open and close that space (this is both RARE and critical). And we may use tools to assist this process.  However, we do so in order to receive information that then gets translated into our day to day life.  It there is no translation, if we simply hop from experience to experience looking for the next cool thing, becoming dependent on external tools,  and go back to same old same old afterwards, we miss the point of integration.  

And without integration, there is no forward progress either individually or collectively.  And without progress we repeat the same patterns over and over again, perhaps moving forward nonetheless, but at a pace that creates more suffering, distraction and difficulty along the way.  

Sound familiar?

Self realization is not a psychedelic trip (not at all to dismiss psychedelics)

We’ve been down this road before.  

You know that feeling when you just know for sure what you need to do?  Perhaps you have clarity around how to resolve a situation at work?  Or maybe you suddenly have insight into a change you need to make in your schedule? And you just … KNOW.   Its as clear as day. Obvious as the nose in front of your face. Like its been there all along and you are finally seeing it.  

Thats the quality of self realization.  Its been there all along.  Its not new.  Its not even an “aha”.  Its more of an “oooooh.”  And rather than high/super/buzzed/powerful, you feel solid, comfortable, at peace, calm, ready and wonderfully happy.   

I believe we all have our own path, and our paths are as beautifully varied, colorful, non-linear  and complex as we are.  And we also need to share our paths, to look out for each other and to offer our perspective. 

Today I offer you mine.

Peace
Jeneen

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Thursday, Jan 31, 2019

Energy Musings.  

Here.  Now.  Today!

Boundaries.

a line in the sand.  the word “no”.  a fence.  a wall.

What do boundaries serve?  WHO do boundaries serve?  This, as in most things, all depends.  Depends on who you are, where you are and what is happening.  Boundaries divide. That is true. But boundaries also protect.  Division.  Protection.  When are these necessary? When are they problematic?  This is the real question.  

Examine your boundaries.  Personal.  Private.  Familial.  Societal.  In your work, your ideas, your relationships, your words.  

Many have a tendency to believe that a life that is unbounded, is the most creative, expressive and desirable.  Many have a tendency to believe that setting limits is restrictive and confining.  

But limits and potential need each other. 

If you try to fill a cup with no edges, what exactly are you filling?  If you can’t fill, how can you experience your wholeness?  If you cant experience your wholeness, how do you know who you are, what you are doing in this precious world?  If you are  the universe (which you are) and have no container for your being, what is your work here?  How do you direct your life force without boundaries?  

This physical form of ours is form of boundary, and it serves us in this time and place.  We are energy bodies in a human form.  If we leave this form, we no longer exist here (some call it death).  But to be alive, is to understand this form, this place, these boundaries.  And to know how to work within them.  We can touch the infinite and have a connection there, but we live in this body.  Our body of boundaries.  

Boundaries can both powerfully serve us and others as well as potentially harm us or others.  By examining your beliefs about boundaries and being honest with yourself (aye, theres the rub!)  there is an opportunity for deeper connection, deeper work, deeper understanding and greater clarity.  Its easy to be deceived by our belief systems, so being as neutral as possible with this examination is key.

When boundaries are up, its time to examine your own first.  Then look to the manifestation of these patterns in the world around you.  Everything becomes a reflection of it all.  The infinite and the individual are not separate.  We are bound together.

 

Song of the Day:  

The Walls Came Down.  by The Call.

 

Saturday, November 10, 2018

Energy Musings.  Here. Now.

This Weekend.

Theres a chaotic energy whipping through the trees today, stirring things up, moving them around.  In some cases, movement/stirring is a good thing.  In some cases, not so good.  A favorite astrologer of mine likes to talk about loss vs gain in astrology (think retrogrades) not from an absolute perspective as “good or bad” but all relational.  For instance, if you lose a beloved pet, that can be seen as a negative. But if you lose weight to get healthier, that can be a positive.  Loss, though often considered negative, can also be what is necessary and desired.

This is true of everything that is out there, which makes the complexity of our world quite apparent and calls for the need for true discernment in all situations.

Lately, there has been a serious lack of subtle discernment.  While the main “message” of an event (for instance) may be positive, without full understanding of the energetics of language (in particular) we can find ourselves in a deep mess though that was never our initial intention.

And let me tell you, there are those of us out there who are constantly “cleaning up” energetically after such messes and see the implications that others choose not to see.

The request here is to pay attention, and then to pay attention even more deeply still.  How do we do that?

Come in to stillness.  Come in to silence. Rest here a while.  Let go of all attachments.  Let go of all beliefs.  Let go of all triggers.  Let go of all judgement.

No.  REALLY.  ALL of them.

This is where we fall short.  We let go of the things that we want to let go of, but hold on (sometimes even more intensely) to the places we think or believe in.  And we somehow fall in to the very dangerous and false assumption that “if only all those other people would let go of x,y,z…. then the world would truly change”.  If you notice ANY part of you beginning to externalize or blame in this way, take a GIANT step back.  And repeat the steps above.  Clear your internal slate.

So much is happening in the energetic field right now.  Change wants to come.  But those who are initiating that change for the betterment of all beings everywhere are still BLIND to the places where they are actually holding back that very same change they wish to see fully realized.  They think its others that are holding back the change, and fail to realize it is actually them.

All I can say is this: be honest about your blind spots.  Look for them.  Ask others to help you.  You’ll know what they are when you are triggered.  First, you have to recognize when in fact you are triggered (or listen if someone else tells you you are!!).  Then look there.  Whats behind the trigger? Thats the place for you to work.  When there are no more triggers, you come in to the true ‘neutral zone’ and then… only then… will you see the path forward that has been waiting for you, for us, for all this time.

From the depths of my heart and the trueness of my being, I offer you this today, this weekend, and moving forward.

Song of the Day: High Hopes by Panic at the Disco

Live your truth…. quietly.

If you see the words “unique, never-before, once in a lifetime, new, cutting-edge, original, experimental, latest, hip, popular, trendy, hot, big, now, ‘In’ “ describing an event, I urge you to be cautious.  Well, personally, I would run the other way!  OK, I don’t actually mean ANYTIME you see the words, but within a context of promoting something thats supposed to make you think you will become cool or part of the “in” crowd if you attend this event. 

This all feeds into our collective addiction to feeling special, or feeling like we are doing something that is totally trend setting, or that we are all visionaries with our finger on the pulse of the latest fashion.  The thing is, all of this is ALREADY TRUE.  You ARE special, You ARE a visionary, You ARE relevant. …without the pomp & circumstance. Without the need to shout it from the rooftops in neon flashing lights or post it all over social media.  Without the need to dress it up in stand out clothing and place a spotlight on it. 

I wonder why, over and over again, we insist on making everything into a spectacle of some sort or another?  The cult of the ‘spectacle’. Its something I consider a lot.  What is it that causes us to want to do the things that make us seem really funky or brave or radical in some way?  This is a juicy territory.  Lots to think about, lots to sort through with no one way through it all.  I just know that something in my eternal being cringes every time I see another example of this.  Not because I’m triggered, but because I’m being pinged…from a collective sadness place . 

“really?  again?”  my soul whispers. 

The only truly NEW thing would be to ditch the emphasis on the new.  To choose humble, simple, deep, meaningful, living instead.  To not have to compete for attention or success through being more, bolder, bigger, brighter, better.  To truly honor the quiet, the intimate.  Which, in this day and age, might look like:  getting off social media, not taking any more selfies, reading a book on the bus instead of being on a device…..   In other words, truly connecting IN to your self, fully, wholly without adding anything.  YOU ARE ENOUGH.  Which, in truth, is a quiet private act of intimacy. of relationship. of the most important relationship of your life: the one with you.  Its not necessary for it to be a public display.  We don’t need to share these moment of privacy publicly to prove they exist. 

I know you sometimes dress up outrageously, mess around with your hair,  dance like a wild woman,  act silly and goofy in front of a mirror, get naked in the moonlight, paint your body, sing with abandonment, jump on the bed, go barefoot in the snow, play in the rain… or whatever version of this free spirited essential you comes out in private.  And thats a beautiful thing. A gift. To you, for you, from you.  The important thing is that it fills YOU.  You don’t need to turn it into an inspiration for others.  Let others find there own inspiration from within.  If we keep looking outside ourself to be inspired, we will miss the beauty and truth of our deepest selves.  We can be the inspiration we so long to be by simply, quietly, being ourselves. 

Live your Truth. Without the publicity. Now thats radical.

Saturday, Aug 18th, 2018

Energy Musings. Here. Now.

The Weekend Report.

Your Authentic self shines behind the clouded sky.  A blanket of grey, like a dusty lens, covers the clarity you seek.  Its only a matter of cleaning a small place to see through, a before you can get a glimpse of the work of your soul.  But when we clear off just one small spot in the midst of  a large dusty surface, it can quickly become consumed again.

This weekend, find a moment to cleanse an area of  your awareness.  There are many ways to do this:  meditation, coaching, yoga, QiGong, art.  You might choose where you go and what you do to “clear your mind”.  From that “clear mind” place, pay attention to what you notice.  This is but a partial view what and who you really are.  And an important starting point.

The question is:  will you remember it the next day? And the day after?   or rather:  HOW will you remember it the next day?  And the day after?!

This is a place for you to be creative and playful.  Write it in a journal, compose a song, make a picture, call your best friend, put sticky notes on your computer.  Find something you do every day anyhow, and add a reminder to the activity.  For example:  I light a candle each evening before going to bed. If I put a beautiful note right next to my candle with my insights, I will see and read it every night.  Then remembering becomes part of my evening ritual.

Eventually, you will be ready to clear more of the lens, take a bigger look: see more, be more.    For now, start with a peek, and let it in.

Song of the Day:  Johnny Nash.  I Can See Clearly Now.

 

Thursday, April 19, 2018

Energy Musings.  Here. Now.

The energy of this moment.

What happens today, when you stop.  Just stop.  Like right now.  STOP!

Stop doing, stop trying, stop moving.  Really stop.  How long does that “stop” take?  As you ‘stop’, what parts of you have stopped?  what parts of you keep going?  Did you really stop?

Stop the excess.  The extra.  The “more than”.  Stop the thoughts, the mindlessness, the triggers.  Stop being lost.  Stop creating suffering.  Stop worrying.  Stop projecting.  Stop.

Then ask: What is essential?  What never stops?  What is vital to your being?  What is vital to this Earth?  What is vital to life as we know it?

We stop so that we can listen, see, hear, feel.  So we can notice.  So we can pay attention.  So we can create IN-tention.  We stop so that when we “go” we go forward with clarity, connection, calm, centeredness and true discernment.  We stop so can remember who we are, why we are here and what are work is.

Sometimes, we think of a stop as a “pause” or a “time in”.  But really, that pause must be a full on, no faking, 100 % STOP.

I remember once a cop pulled me over at a stop sign.  He noted that I came to a sort of “rolling stop” but not a full stop, and he kindly and patiently explained the difference.  A Full Stop is just that: giving your wheels the full amount of time to truly and completely stop.  And then waiting (like a full breath!) before you start again.   And when you start again, it feels like you are starting from the the very beginning.   Like when you first start your car in the morning. How long had I been mostly coming to a “rolling stop” at stop signs and not even noticed?  After that, I paid much more attention to stop signs.  I was grateful to this police officer for calling my attention to a place I had lost awareness.  Now, when I come to a stop sign, (especially the ones back in quiet neighborhoods where I find its easiest to sort of kind of roll to a stop-ish, and keep going because its clear no ones around…) I really, truly STOP.  This is my practice.  And it feels different.  I notice what it means to stop and what it feels like to start again from a place of really stopping.

When did we lose connection to what it really feels like to stop?

Today, re-connect yourself to the experience of truly stopping.  Throughout your day, as you remember to, whenever and wherever you are.

Stop.  Look.  Listen.  Then see how the very next moment unfolds for you.

Word of the Day:  Stop!

Song of the Day: Stop and Smell the Roses by Mac Davis

The cult of the new

I only need one Gong.  One Crystal Bowl.  One drum.  One.  Only One.  More than one confuses things, can create chaos or can shift the focus.  The mind, the being then is trained to want more, to desire bigger, to yearn for “better”.  Both in the one who is receiving the work and, more problematic still, in the one who is guiding the work.  By “better” I don Not mean in the sense of of what is truly best for us, but in a false perception that more is better.  that bigger is better.  that larger, that stronger, that higher, is better.  

Perhaps this is human nature. The tendency to get caught in the trap that we need MORE.  That somehow, in this very moment, we, it, they, us….. are not ‘enough’.  That somehow if only:  we had more money, a new job, a bigger house,  more trainings, more tools, better marketing… that we’d take off and fly and leap into the life of our dreams. 

 I am here to hold the space of understanding that includes the life of our dreams as it is here and now. This heaven on earth. Through the radical lens of acceptance.  Not through the lens of wanting, desiring or grasping.    We have lost touch with the most fundamental knowledge we possess:  the completeness of simplicity, the truth of this moment, the wholeness of our being which needs nothing more to be Full except this very breath.  In fact, I don’t even need the Gong, or the Bowl, or the Drum or any “tool” at all.  And neither do you.  All the work, the depth, the transformation, the shift, the release, that you long for, can be achieved by simply sitting in silence together. With one who knows how to guide in the dark and in the stillenss. I don’t even need any technique, no scripted visualizations or guided imagery, no mantra or meditation ‘style’, no book or quote, no message cards or fun games,  none of it.  That is the truth.  The only truth. Every tool we use is in essence an illusion.  The danger being, we can confuse the path itself for the ultimate goal.   We can confuse the ‘method’ of our choice for the end result.  Then we will be stuck forever, on this treadmill of thinking we are progressing, but really being stuck .  We might be stuck in an “ok” place and so that may feel “ok”.  And we might even register “ok” as ‘good’! But sooner or later, sooner or later, our soul remembers its eternal longing and realizes it has been tricked and this is when we truly wake up.  And I must tell you, it is a rather rude and shocking awakening. (set apart by the many false awakening that arise in ones life which are often described as “aha” moments) And in that moment, we understand that we truly need nothing and we let it all go, without any hesitation. And then, only then, do we really know what it means to fly.   

Wo-manifesto for a new world.

Part I.

I am weary of the masses.

of the places of the things of the activities of the drinks of the foods of the people

that are popular that are trending that are cool that are unique that are interesting

that are, “new”

I am wary of the multitude.

of the misplaced power in the perception of community

that is lacking any real depth, real connection, real “unity”

that at best, scratches the surface and at worst, totally distracts us

from the true work, the true change, the true collective.

I don’t want to chase the shiny objects, I don’t want the eye candy, I don’t want to feel clever and hip because because I do or have done the latest thing, because I know how to fill a room or because I have the most toys.  so there.

I don’t really care about any of that.  I don’t need to feel included.   I don’t need  approval.  My life doesn’t depend on societies conditions of success.

not anymore.

not anymore.

not this societies at least.

Pay attention to what is next.

to what color, to what season, to what style, to what animal, to what word, to what dance move, to what place, to what thing is suddenly what everybody’s doing now.

This is our drug.  Our collective addiction.

This is our prison.  Our self created cage.

This is our illusion.  Our mutual fraud.

And its time to come clean.

I’m ready.  And I’ve been ready for a long long time.

Are you?

Show me.

Let(’s) go.

Thursday, April 5th, 2018

Energy Musings. Here. Now.

Today!

How are you?  No…. really.  Move inside yourself, close your eyes, take a few deep breaths and ask yourself “how are you?”  “how am I?”.  And then Listen.  Listen to your Self.  Listen the way you would listen to a dear friend.  With patience and true care.  With all your attention focussed on the listening.

At first you might get the stuff on the surface, the stress from work, the business of your days, the tiredness in your body, etc.  This, you probably already know, but still…. listen.  Then just keep asking “how are you?”  like a mantra repeated and just keep waiting, listening, patiently.

Ask your bones, Ask your tissue, Ask your cells…. How are YOU?  Ask you organs, your blood…. How are you?  Ask you mind (be ready for an earful!)….. How are you?  Ask you emotions, feelings, sensations….. How are you?  Ask your eyes, ears, mouth, nose, throat….. How are you?

Ask and ask again.  Without any expectations. Without any need to change anything.  Without any necessity to do anything. Just to listen and ask and listen and ask and listen and ask.  How are you?

Ask you breath…. How are you? And let the breath show you the breadth of its wisdom and knowing. Let it move through every part of you and reveal the inner landscape with its keen awareness.  Listen.  Listen. Listen.  Listen to the breath.  Really get to know, How you are.  And then keep asking, throughout the day:  How are you now?  How are you Now?  How are you now?  And notice, notice the shifting or rigid landscape that is your experience.  Notice what it means to be tuned in to you.  Notice and love and hold and be patient and kind.

How are you now?

 

Song of the Day:  Hello, I love you. by the Doors

Art &….

Recently I read something that triggered me.  It was an innocent enough description of a process of “art” making that involves following a kind of formula to create what they call: drawings that are “free from the anxiety of drawing” so you can embrace your inner artist, trust your instinct and let your creativity flow.

The truth is, this description made my heart hurt.  Made me literally want to cry.  It felt so utterly mis-directed to me about the one thing I hold absolutely dearest in my life and soul:  Art.  I felt sad beyond belief for the need to compartmentalize “art’ in this way. For the fact that people even need to create this kind of offering.  It felt to me, like the black hole of ART.  My initial physical response was to take a rapid deep inhale and my whole body said “Oh NO!  Don’t got THERE”. Like I want to save humanity from jumping off this particular cliff because I can see where it leads…. and it ain’t pretty.

But first, I had to let go of (or try to at least!) any judgement around this particular process so that I could come a place of clarity and discernment.   My belief system holds that when you clear away the mucky stuff (judgement, over analysis, expectation, false knowing, etc), you can come to the place where there is truer understanding of whether something is helpful, harmful, a good idea or a distraction. This place of discernment, in and of itself, is NOT judgy. Something can honestly have positive or negative impacts pending your desired outcome or intention.  Its kind of like when we think about a persons ‘behavior’ being disruptive in some way without intending to imply that the person themselves are disruptive.  Just because the process may be problematic, does not mean theres any ill will from the people leading the process or that the individual pieces of the process are problematic either.

But back to the “Art” class.  It has become fashionable to throw the term “Art” around so that everyone and anyone can participate and feel like they are an Artist.  Which, ironically, they already are anyway.  And, just to make it more trendy, we like to combine Art with all sorts of things now…..Art & Wine, Art & Dance,  Art & Yoga, Art & Meditation, Art & the Chakras, Art & Chickens, Art & Rollerderby, Art & Skydiving, Art & ….. AND the list goes on.  I assume here to make it more ‘accessible’ or ‘interesting’ perhaps?  None of these combination in and of themselves is ‘bad’.  And I’ve taught many of them (working on the Rollerderby bit… tricky to organize).  And again, the illusion here is in the perception, not in the Art itself.

How these offerrings are actually led/guided and taught and WHO is actually leading or guiding makes a tremendous difference.  Not to mention, how they are marketed, who they are trying to attract and where they are being taught.  I’m not particularly interested in prioritizing what is ‘successful’ in terms of bringing in the most people, being popular or making the most money. I’m concerned with what elevates us, and I use that term most carefully, to a place of deeper understanding about ourselves and the world.

I am reminded of a conversation with a student recently who was commenting on the common parlance among yoga teachers these days, I think it was about a comment such as “All levels, bodies, types…. are welcome in my class”  (or something like that)  and she said “You know, ALL yoga teachers say that (substitute in whatever you want for the “That”!), but they all mean really different things by it.  You have to do your work to find out who really means it. “

Anyone can claim to integrate “art” in their practices, but who really means it?  You might start by asking them: What Is Art?

This is where I believe, the divergence lies.  As someone who has studied, taught and created Art, both professionally and personally, for her entire life, who grew up in a family of Artists and who always thought of art kind of like breathing….. its just what you do….this question touches my heart and life deeply.  Not because I think I know more, or because I have studied longer, but simply because it is truly Who I Am.

What is Art?

Well, for starters, Art is not imitation. Art is not knowing how to follow directions.  Art is not easy.  Art is not quick. Art is not something you learn a process to ‘do’.  Art is not formulaic.  Art is not for profit.  Art is not something you judge.  Art is not good or bad or ugly or beautiful.  Art is not created to match the living room couch.  Art is not created to hang in frame on a wall.  Art is not an idea.  Art is not a method.  Art is not a place to show off your skills.  Art is not therapy (although art therapy is its own legit thing).  Art is not pretty.  Art is not repetitive.

Let me put something out there to consider. Art is real. Art is enough. Art is like the breath.  ART IS.  In and of itself.  When guided as an authentic process.  With patience and learning and understanding.  Art will teach you everything about this world, your life and your role in it.  Art is as deep a reflective and transformative process as any spiritual pursuit, as uplifting and mobilizing as any creative endeavor,  and as skillful and knowledge filled as any science.  There is no need for Art AND.  Art AND Nothing. For that matter…. Yoga AND Nothing.  Meditation AND Nothing.  These are all comparable processes that lead you to transformation through careful study and ability.  Why the need to combine them in “new” ways?  In actuality, we do them a huge disservice through many of these combinations.  We miss the point entirely.  We create distraction instead of progress.

I’m fascinated by this when it doesn’t make me want to bury my head in the sand and cry to the earth.

So back to the original post I read.  Heres the stinger for me “free from the anxiety of drawing”.  I need to take a long slow breath here to even continue.

Drawing is prayer.  Drawing is a discovery.  Drawing with authenticity is a personal journey of deep understanding. If there is anxiety around that, theres personal work to be done. Or a total misunderstanding.  The drawing process itself and finding your path through it can address the anxiety.  But not in one 90 minute class.  It takes time, commitment, patience, love, determination.  It takes mastery, courage and yes, actual learning. There’s a whole language to absorb that you then have at your disposal to create with.  Theres no skipping steps.  It is, in fact, a process.

So Instead of the commitment, we change the parameters of the drawing process.  To make us feel better?  To make it more “accessible”?  Why?

No … really…. WHY?

I’m suspect of anything that in the long term serves as a distraction or an escape because we are overwhelmed, tired or agitated in the moment. Lets deal with our “overwhelm” ing feelings and beings rather than to look the other way and stuff our challenging feelings in a box for temporariy relief.  Hell, lets do that together and muck through the journey with our hearts wide open and our minds freed and our footsteps bravely forward charting truly NEW territory.  Not what the mind wants to convince us is new through the lens of what is “unique”.  How’s this for something new:  slowing down, looking around consciously, taking a long deep inhale,  and bravely being STILL instead of running all the time.  We can do this through meditation, through true yoga, and yes, through ART.  Real Art.  But we must practice keeping it Real.  Supporting each other authentically.  Walking each other home.

Thats my journey, at least.  Its not the easy way necessarily, or the fast way, or the way that makes you feel like you’re a star or an artist or a badass….. at least not immediately.  Theres not immediate gratification as we are used to or want. Although, it depends on what you find gratifying.  Because, sooner or later, you come to realize you already ARE all those things anyway when you stop distracting yourself through these clever disguises we have so creatively designed.

In fact, you find, we all are.