Re-Evolving  

Energy musings?  Here? Now?

Today…..

maybe not.

The plain truth is… I can’t even.  I can’t even find the words, the positive spin, the neutral place from which to translate the complex layers of information that come in. Usually, I can find a thread.  Something digestible that others can take in, can breathe into, and can expand with.  But now the landscape has changed. Completely. Unidentifiably.  I honestly can’t even write the date at the top of the page anymore.  As each new day passes by it feels like another grain of sand slipping through the hourglass of Time.

I don’t mean to sound negative or depressing.  I don’t feel that actually. But it is a difficult, ugly, brutal truth out there.  One that feels like it doesn’t need to be repeated.  I don’t even want to describe it.

There are those who need to protect themselves with blankets of hope, optimism, promise.  Those who need to get angry and riled up and move to political action. Those who need to cry, and feel, and maybe even “wallow”.

I get it.  I get ALL of it.

I can’t say to you: Don’t Wallow… get up and do something!  I can’t say to you:  Don’t be Naive… face the truth!  I can’t say to you :  More anger won’t help:  Find your inner Peace! Although all of this has merit.

And the one guiding principal I feel, is we have to respond differently.  Different from our habitual responses.  As you go through your process and tap into your triggers (emotion? depression? head in the clouds? anger?  blame?  conspiracy? paranoia?), know that they are there to teach you, that why its OK to hang with them for a little while.  But then, it is up to each of us to see them, these triggers, for what they are …. and to clear them.  Now.

In the energetic field, when I tap into the voices that always guide me, I hear one thing over and over and over

“It was never supposed to happen like this”.

But here we are.  Here We Are.

This is all I can tell you.

Here we are.

And as you are going through your own process of reconciliation, understanding, and knowing… look for me.  look for others.  Maybe, just maybe, through this dense fog of illusion, we will see each other.  And your eyes and my eyes will meet.  And in the meeting we will know.  We will know how to stand in this new place, how to take steps forward, how to be.  And as we reach for other, we will find others.  coming together, one at a time.  And as we come together, our joining of breath will clear a space in the fog.  And in that clear space, we will create an opening for more and more people to come.  Slowly, slowly, regaining our discernment and re-creating this world, from the inside out.  Re-Evolving as a species and a planet.

Old habits die hard.  Are you finally willing to let go of yours?

 

Octavia

A story from my day.  Celebrating the extraordinary within the ordinary.  May your lense be clear so that you may see the light all around you now, and always.

I met a woman yesterday.  She was in front of Safeway ringing two bells, one in each hand. She was a Salvation Army volunteer.  Red apron on, christmas hat askew and a broad smile on her warm weathered face.  I noticed she was dancing a little, while ringing her bells, one in each hand.  Creating a rhythm, a pattern and enjoying the moment.  I tapped the beat with my foot as I walked to get my cart. She made me smile.  I greeted her warmly and went inside to shop.

When I came outside after shopping, my son was hungry “RIGHT NOW MOMMY!!!!!” he demanded.  So I sat with him and all our groceries at one of the outdoor tables and let him eat some food I had just purchased.  At that moment, the bell ringing woman appeared.  She was on a break and had a snack with her. She sat at the table behind us to rest and eat.  As she walked by I again said  “hello!”  and smiled broadly.  Her presence truly made me happy. My son looked at her, than at me,  and as though knowing what I was thinking he said (very loudly)  “I hate it when you talk to strangers Mom.  It really bothers me.  You don’t know her.  Why are you saying ‘hi’ like you know her?  You’re embarrassing me.”  and on and on he went as only an 8 yo can.  I listened and gently tried to tell him that she didn’t seem like a stranger to me because I saw her so often in front of the Safeway.  I went on to talk about community and the people we live side by side with who are not really “strangers” at all.  In fact, none of us are really “strangers”.  This just caused him to get more upset and so I was about to just drop it and have the conversation later , when the woman came over to us.

“Hi” she said to us both cheerily.  “Do you mind if I talk to your child?”  she asked me.  “No, not at all” I offered and asked my boy if he would listen to what she had to say.  He didn’t respond to my request, but the woman jumped in amiably.

“Can I talk to you for a moment please?” she asked kindly .  He rolled his eyes and deliberately looked the other way.

“Well, ”  she coaxed, “I would like to see your eyes when we talk please.  Do you mind looking at me?”

To my surprise, he turned to face her and offered her  his intense full gaze.  She met it with absolute gentleness and equal intensity.

“Well,” she began “I just wanted to tell you a little bit about myself so we don’t have to be strangers.”

She went on to talk about her life a bit, how she was old (grandmother age she told him!), how she worked for 25 years and then retired.  She explained to him how much she loves people, ALL people, and how she has the strong desire to help others.  She said that after she retired she couldn’t just sit at home and do nothing so she started volunteering wherever she could.  She now volunteers with Salvation Army working 10 hour days in front of Safeway ringing her bells and hoping kind people will give whatever they can to the charity.  She talked about families and children who have very little, no toys, no home, no food, and how every little bit helps and how each time we reach out to help another, we make the world a better place.  She told him how lucky he was to have parents, a home, food, warm clothes, toys and to always be grateful. She did all this without ever sounding preachy or getting angry or raising her voice or making him/us feel bad about our privilege. His gaze met hers the whole time and she never once looked away from him.

At the end she simply said to my boy, “Thank you so much for listening to me”

And then I turned to her and asked her name. “Octavia” she said.  I expressed my gratitude for taking the time to talk to my son.  She smiled a kind “You’re welcome” and gently went back to her meal.

A moments exchange that revealed humanity at its very best.  The kind words of a wise elder meeting the willing ears of a young boy.  In this exchange, I saw the most authentic expression of hope.

We can change the world.  One person at a time.  We just need to listen. And speak with authenticity.

 

Broken

 

I am shattered.  Into a million tiny bits.  Scattered everywhere at once.   In this space, there is not even an inside to come to.  There is nothing. I am broken.
And yet still, I breathe.  And this breath, well, it must have a container, right?
And this heart?  Well, it is still beating too and so it must also have a body.
But the pieces of myself that are torn to shreds are the ones that belong to my Eternal Being, not this physical one. It is painful beyond words.  It is devastating beyond compare.  I am not sure that I am reparable.  I feel rage, anger, sadness, desperation, sorrow….
until the breath, it calls me.  And slowly with each inhale, I feel a tiny shard of me return.  It may not be much, but it is a beginning, and I’ll take it.  With focus and intention,  I use my breath to bring in more pieces.  and more.  and more. There are so so so many still to collect.  Collect them, I must and will.
I am reminded of a broken piece of pottery my then 6yo son laboriously taped together.  Each and every tiny ceramic shard.  He taped it back to its perfect original form. It took him hours.  I remember looking at that tenderly repaired pottery, now so obviously “imperfect” and feeling a surge of incredible love for him and the time and care he took.  Each piece of tape represented his concentration and intent.  He didn’t give up until it was whole again.
And then he sheepishly presented it to me, wondering if I’d noticed it had been broken in the first place. I actually did not notice.  I just thought how odd it was he decided to cover the small bowl in tape.  When I realized what had happened, that bowl took on new meaning, it became a symbol of what is possible when we care, when we are willing to do something that seems impossible, like taping a bowl back together teeny tiny bit by bit not leaving even the smallest piece out.  And it was more beautiful to me than it had ever been in its original form.  Its function as a bowl long lost.  But its inspiration as a symbol of perserverance profoundly moving.
This image, this memory, of that bowl, keeps me going.  Keeps me searching out more scattered pieces.  Keeps me focused on putting myself back together with tenderness and care and the willingness to believe it is possible.  With the innocence and compassion and willingness of a child who cares… a whole lot, I slowly come back to Wholeness.

Gong the Vote

I stand next to it, 32″ of metal, hand pounded to perfection/imperfection.  As I raise my arm, I breathe in.  A deep, widening, expansive, connected inhale.  As I breathe out, my arm moves with my breath, rides the wave,  flows towards the Gong,  and gently, ever so gently, brushes its surface.  The mallet follows the wave of sound then rides off the gong, moves forward and out in a large flowing arc.

It begins.  I am in.

I stay connected to my breath, to my body, to movement, to the flow, to the chi, to whatever it is that comes.  I stay grounded solidly, through the soles of my feet, through my core.  Occasionally I look out over the group.  I take notice.  Someone is sniffling.  Someone else is restless.  Someone is snoring.  I breathe in this information, ground again, and follow the flow of the Gong.  I watch.  I pray.  I respond.

It is not something I can articulate or tell you about that easily.  It has been years, lifetimes, of work of being of paying deep attention of noticing everything of consciousness of clarity of discernment. There can be no triggers, no fears, no doubts.  There can be no anger, no ‘sides’, no need to be right.  What is required is absolute neutrality.  I have worked my whole life for this that I was born to do.

In my neutral zone I see it all. I become the Gong.  No expectations, no judgements.  I see and feel and hear as the Gong.

Its not particularly pretty this time.  Dark nasty things float to the surface.  They reach out, like disembodied hands, pulling on me.  They try to pull me down with them.  They are desperate.

But in the darkness of the sound, I hear a tone.  A single perfect clear radiant tone.  Through the crash and boom, this tone sounds like a bell.  A bell being rung in the midst of the chaotic noise.  I focus here on this bell, this note, and I watch as the darkness begins to dance.

Yes, Dance. Dark shapes shift from groping to undulating.  From desperate to  relieved.  “I see you”, I whisper.  “Its OK”, I re-assure.  And then a song, and another, and another.  Piling one on top of the other, a backlog of songs needing to be heard.  They are coming down a line. A grandmother line.  The line of an Elder. She speaks, she chants, she is holding the bell.  She is sitting in the center of it all.  She is directing the dark, the light. She is bringing them to an understanding.  A mutual place of respect, love, commonality, hope and humanity.  Her eyes glow blue, her skin warm earth, her hands withered.  She holds both light and dark, she sings sweet lullabies to them both.  This native voice will not be silenced. She is the water, the earth, the fire, the sky.  She weaves the world, through time and space, through light and dark. Within seeming opposition and division, she creates bridges, pathways for understanding. And she has come to be heard.

At times I feel the heaviness almost pushing me down.  Almost.  And in my breath I once again connect to my stability and find the lightness from this grounded place.

At times I get so hot I think I must be on fire, literally.  And again my breath comes back to me, cooling me with its long exhale.

Each element, in turn, tests me.  Pushes, pushes harder, and harder still.  And I remain solid.  Grandmother smiles with her eyes upon me.  As I conclude the Gong event, I step out to fan all the participants, and she pushes me again to sing.  Her voice (oh I know it well) moves through me, creaky, old.  My fans turn into wings.  Flaming wings of light.   Mothers are pouring in now. Women from many traditions, many paths, many lifetimes.  Singing, sharing, landing.  Songs shift as I move from person to person. I breathe, pray, fan, move.  Somewhere, someone is sobbing.  “let it go” I whisper to the wind and blow it away.

As we close our evening, we bring our voices together, we listen to the sound of our own unique vibration, our signature, our frequency.  Through the collective “om-ing” I wait for it……  My voice fades away, and the collective voice comes together. There it is.  Home.  It is breathtakingly beautiful.  My work is done here.

Beneath the gong lies my altar.  2 candles, burning.  A shell. Sand.  A bowl of water.  4 crystals representing the 4 elements. The Sri Yantra.   Blessings in all directions.

“Thank you Grandmother”, I offer.  And I ask her for her name. Who is this being I feel so present with, this helper, this guide, this goddess, I wonder?

“Silly child” she laughs

“I am You”.

 

Monday, Nov 7, 2016

Energy Musings.  Here. Now.

Today!

Tolerance & Acceptance.  Words and Actions to live by.  Create tolerance in your home, your family, your life, your community, your world.  Create tolerance in your Self.  Find the acceptance to allow this tolerance in.  With acceptance you can come to a place balance and harmony.  With balance and harmony comes freedom.  Freedom from constriction in all its forms:  anger, frustration, impatience, hatred, judgement, sickness, pain and more.

Start with you.

Where could you shine the light of acceptance on your own being?  Where could you show yourself more Love?  Where can you release constriction through softening into tolerance? You must be willing to look in the shadows to find the hidden places, the blind spots.  You use be willing to accept it ALL.  You must be willing to love all parts of yourself and be honest about them.

Love yourself more today, Accept more of yourself today and practice Tolerance.  Then walk through your day as a beacon to others.  No words necessary. Only your presence matters.  Smile more, Laugh a LOT, soften your gaze,  relax your jaw, drop your shoulders.

Be Love.

 

Word of the Day:  Tolerance

Song of the Day:  Michael Franti & Spearhead:  Good to be Alive.

 

Thursday, Nov 3, 2016

Energy Musings.  Here. Now.

Today!

Its hard not to talk about the upcoming election and its current energetic impact on the area and the country.  Many of us are tired of it. Ready for it be over.  Totally Done.  We have stopped reading the tweets, the posts, the emails, the letters.  Stopped listening to the radio, the talk shows, the comedy shows, the rants, the pleas.  And at a certain point, it is necessary to say “Enough“.  You have the information you need to decide for yourself what should happen and what it is that you might personally need to do or contribute.  Know that and let everything else go.

As you come to that place, re-inforcing your personal perimeter, creating a protective shield around you, remember that the influence of the election is still out there.  Watch you health and keep yourself clear.  This will become increasingly important over the next few days.  Do what you need to do to Ground yourself and just keep clearing your field.

Get plenty of sleep, eat well, move your body, get out in nature, breathe consciously, meditate, read your favorite piece of fiction, make art, play with your kids, drink tea, nurture yourself, call a friend, fill yourself and fill yourself some more.  Notice the situations and people and places that drain you and just stay away from them for now.  Notice the situations and people and places that fill you and anchor in there.  Its time to start the healing process. To get a jumpstart on it NOW.

Be well Everyone.  And take care of YOU.

peace

Word of the day:  Clear

Song of the day: Take Good Care of Yourself by the Three Degrees